If you’re reading this, the premiere of Lady Gaga‘s new single “Born This Way” didn’t plug up that pesky series of tubes and the Interweb is still working.

From the moment Gaga sang a bit of “Born This Way” on September’s VMAs upon taking home the Video of the Year moonman for “Bad Romance” (cloaked as you might recall in her notorious meat dress, soon to be displayed at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame), the anticipation for her new song has driven her Little Monsters mad with desire. Based on that brief acapella share (and her gay servicemember escorts that night) we could surmise what the tune’s theme was, but what would “Born This Way” really sound like?

It was only a couple of weeks ago that Gaga leaked the lyrics in full, but she offered no clue as to what the song sounds like. Ellen DeGeneres, who hadn’t heard it, was left to guess with James Blunt and Justin Bieber, while Elton John, who had heard it, called it “the anthem that’s going to obliterate ‘I Will Survive.'”

But today, coincidentally my birthday — my ‘born’ day — is the day we all finally get to have a private moment with “Born This Way” and see whether Gaga’s squeezed out another smash. So is it a “Bad Romance”-style stomper? Something in the still-fantastic mold of “Poker Face”? Or does it sound “suspiciously like a Madonna tune,” or several Madonna tunes?

Sort of. Not really. And yes. A thousand times yes. It’s “Express Yourself,” “Vogue,” and even “Open Your Heart” all rolled into one giant gay disco ball. At the very least, Ms. Ciccone should get an “inspired by” credit on the single. (And Bunny Jones, who wrote this song, too.)

So listen to Lady Gaga’s new material, girl, and see if you’re not spectacularly moved by the sentiment, or at least moved to move. Now we know which anthem’s going to be blaring out of speakers at Pride events around the world this year:

More Gaga’s just around the corner, too. On Sunday’s edition of 60 Minutes, she’ll sit down with a certain silver fox — no, not Morley Safer, the recently roughed-up Anderson Cooper — and following that broadcast, the Vogue cover girl will perform “Born This Way” live for the first time at the 53rd Annual GRAMMY Awards in Los Angeles. With an evening bookended by Gaga, and Justin Bieber nominated for Best New Artist, I’ve got a feeling Sunday night is gonna be a good, good night for CBS, demo-wise.

By the way, “Born This Way” isn’t the only song from Lady Gaga premiering today. She recorded a duet with Elton John for the new animated film, Gnomeo and Juliet, now in theaters. But if you want to hear “Hello Hello,” you’ll have to buy a ticket to the multiplex, as the duo’s recording isn’t on the soundtrack (an Elton-only version is).

Purchase Lady Gaga – “Born This Way” via iTunes. Or head over to Target.com for a free download of the single when you pre-order the Born This Way album. The retailer’s got dibs on a deluxe edition with three bonus songs and five remixes, so that’s how I’m gonna go Gaga this time around.