An old, previously debunked rumor that Miley Cyrus was going to pose for Playboy popped up again in recent days, thanks to the totally fake Weekly World News, which resuscitated it. (Related question: Does anyone even pick up Playboy anymore?)

If Miley ever was crazy enough to coyly show her woohoo in the pages of Hef’s magazine, adult cries of outrage over the spread’s impact on Cyrus’ Hannah Montana fans would follow quickly. That’s even more ridiculous than the rumor. First, preteens (or kids of any age) shouldn’t be in an environment where they’re easily exposed to Playboy (unlikely these days, as subscriptions have been declining for years and newsstand sales are anemic). Second, in the abstract, do preteens even know what a centerfold is?

I was just eight or nine when The J. Geils Band‘s “Centerfold” was a success, and largely clueless about its lyrical content. To me, it just sounded like Peter Wolf and the boys were having a good time, and the song’s “Na-na-na-na” part was fun to sing along to. Negligees (whatever those were) were the furthest thing from my mind then (and remain so today, as it turns out).

My older sister bought the “Centerfold” single (probably on one of our family visits to Sears’ record department), a 45 I secretly coveted for its neon-pink label. After The J. Geils Band’s next single “Freeze-Frame” was a hit, my dad picked up the Freeze-Frame album, which had all the lyrics printed on the LP’s inside sleeve. I don’t recall closely pouring over the words to “Centerfold,” though I do remember being offended by another of the album’s tracks, “Piss On The Wall.” Clearly, I knew what that meant. Ah, to be young and (mostly) naive again.

This week in February 1982, “Centerfold” reached #1 on the Billboard Hot 100, lounging in the penthouse position for six consecutive weeks. The breakdown is still one of the best in pop music, coming in around the 2:45 mark. The video’s milk-filled drum at the same point is a little much though:

Prepping for today’s post, I was a bit skeeved out to be watching the “Centerfold” video over on YouTube while Justin Bieber’s angelic visage was peeking from behind the screen.

Purchase The J. Geils Band – “Centerfold” via iTunes, Amazon MP3.